yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
