**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
