a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
