when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize