He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
