It was confusing and full of hummus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
