I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
