now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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