meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize