I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize