what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
