I cannot find my penis.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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