Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
