he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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