A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
