She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
