i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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