Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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