I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
