My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
