it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize