Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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