My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
