our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
