shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
