when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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