Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
