Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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