**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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