2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
