guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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