that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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