After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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