Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
