My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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