If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
