So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
