I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
