I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize