Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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