Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
