Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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