my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
