SEEEEXXX PLEASE
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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