I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
