Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
