im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
