I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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