I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
