Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
