i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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