too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
