It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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