Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
