I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
