I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
