So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
