I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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