I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
