you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
