I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
