the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
