I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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