Yo dont text me then not text me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
