one two three fourrrrnication!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
