if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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