"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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