Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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