She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize