Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize