My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My penis needs a shock collar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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