Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
