yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
