Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We are all done wearing pants today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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